Issue #67 Goodbye April and Good Riddance

Plus, a short cycling adventure and the limitations of Nature Connection as cure

With a heavy sign of relief, we say goodbye to April. We hope you made it through unscathed? Often a month full of promise, this year it delivered only a continuation of winter, plagued with bad news and difficult days. I suppose it is not unusual for April to have a sting in its tail, just as we start to look forward to warmer days, April reminds us that early spring can deliver snow and frost, driving us back indoors with torrential downpours and gales. There has been little opportunity to dream of warmer, drier outings - this month we have not managed a single hike in the mountains.

Life has gotten in the way of adventuring. Death, illness and drama marked what should be a month of renewal and vigour.

April has tested my ability to see beauty in the everyday. There have been days when I have wanted to quit everything. But, what does that even look like? Quitting? Quit making things, quit doing things? Quit writing? Quit trying to make it work? There is no choice but to carry on, to seek out tiny fragments of goodness and hold onto them tightly. To take control of the only thing we can change - how we feel in our hearts and minds. Even the smallest ember can be gently coaxed into flame.

As if trying to redeem itself, the final week of April held a few such fragments. A couple of sunny days and a new bike for Benji handed down to us by the best kind of friends increased our capacity for seeking small moments of joy. We watched as Benji persevered, re-learning to pedal after a 2 year cycling hiatus. A couple of days later, the three of us cycled along the river and into Eskdale after school for dinner at the pub, sitting outside in the evening sunshine pretending to ignore the cold breeze that gave goosebumps to our bare arms.

At the weekend, keen to nurture this little pedal powered nugget of optimism, we followed the lake shore trail in Ennerdale, cycling up the valley to cross the river Liza before heading back the way we came. The undulating trail was hard work for Benji in places, and the gravel slid away from underneath him several times but it felt good to be roaming free and fast surrounded by mountains and forests for the first time in a long while. Scrambling down a bank to sit beside the river, sheltered from the biting wind, an unfamiliar sensation washed over us - warmth. Opportunities to linger in one place have been scant since October so we took pleasure in staying put for a while, tossing stones into the water and letting the sound of rushing water wash our troubles away.

Whilst we have been hibernating, preoccupied with life admin, the woods have been quietly creeping, stirring with activity. Buds have burst into fresh, tender leaves and ferns are unfurling at pace having pushed their coiled heads through the soil, born into world anew. If I watch intently enough, I am sure I can see them unfurling in real time. The woodland floor is a carpet of blue, dotted with bright white stars of stitchwort and ramsons, the air thick with fragrance and awash with the buzz and thrum of life that now fills the void of winter’s silence. It is only in spring that you notice how quiet the woods have been. Wood warblers are back, along with chiff chaffs, blackcaps and an occasional cuckoo.

Although my heart is glad to finally see and feel the energy of spring, there is something lacking. Over winter a kind of disconnect has crept in. I know what it feels like to be deeply connected to Nature and I know I am not there right now. I am struck by the limitations of Nature connection as cure. So often we are told of the myriad benefits of spending time in Nature on our mental health, yet in order to benefit from Nature’s goodness we have to have the spare capacity to receive it - a baseline of privilege that allows us the time and bandwidth to step outside for a moment and breathe. We are all connected to Nature by default for we are born of the earth - what matters is whether we allow ourselves to ponder that connection or not and ultimately whether we allow our ponderings to influence the way we live our lives. But what if we are not free to make the changes we want to make? Or even free enough to ponder?

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Well, that’s all for this week - we hope your April has not been so bad and that May gives you something to look forward to. Let us know how spring has been for you or how your connection to Nature is affected by periods of strife in the comments - we’d love to hear from you.

With warmest wishes,

Andrew, Emma and Benji

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